Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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