hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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