Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
