you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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