OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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