He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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