i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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