I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
