carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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