You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
