Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize