its not stalking. its research.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
