Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What a fucking waste of an outfit
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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