He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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