My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
