At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
