We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
