i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
