Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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