I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
