Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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