my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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