I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
