she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
