Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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