Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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