dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
