Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
