there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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