Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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