You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am midnight drunk by noon
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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