I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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