i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
