I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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