Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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