remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
