dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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