you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
