your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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