He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Actions speak louder than pants.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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