Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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