just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
