It's Friday. Sex?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you win again, gameday.
this boner is exhausting
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
