proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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