I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
