I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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