Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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