With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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