My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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