did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
