The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
