just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
