you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He passed out mid-signature
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
