You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You were trust falling into bushes
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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