She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
